A Lesbian Mom's Letter To Obama
Written by Dana Rudolph Saturday, 07 July 2007 04:54
Dear President-elect Obama: You have put hope in our country’s spotlight. Like all parents, I have known hope. The hope of waiting for a child in my life. Hope that I will be a good parent. Hope that my child will learn and grow and be happy.
Published on Friday, January 16, 2009 by 365Gay.com
A Lesbian Mom's Letter To Obama
By Dana Rudolph
Dear President-elect Obama:
You have put hope in our country’s spotlight.
Like all parents, I have known hope. The hope of waiting for a child in my life. Hope that I will be a good parent. Hope that my child will learn and grow and be happy.
As a lesbian mother, I have known other hopes, too. Hope that a court will decide both my partner and I will be recognized as our son’s legal parents, after we planned for months and together went through a rigorous fertility regimen so that I could give her an egg to carry.
Hope that our son will never think his family second class because his parents cannot marry, a hope realized in part by our move to Massachusetts, but put in doubt whenever we cross state lines.
Hope that our son will never be harassed, threatened, or physically harmed because he has two moms. Hope that by the time he is old enough to read the paper or listen to the news, the tales of hate and discrimination against LGBT people will be no more.
I have these hopes above all for my son, but also for LGBT youth and other children of LGBT families. Beyond that, though, I have these hopes because I see LGBT rights as not just a matter of fairness and equality for the LGBT community, but a matter of national interest.
When children are afraid to go to school because of harassment or bullying, they have less chance of succeeding in school and in life. When they have to hide who they are, or hide who their parents are, they are learning to lie, while others are not learning to accept. Is this how we want to raise the next generation of Americans?
Inequality also puts an unfair burden on their parents. Employees who must expend energy hiding their sexual orientation or gender identity at work may be less productive, less willing to network, not seen as team players, less likely to take opportunities that would require relocation and the revelation of a same-sex partner in the household.
Our country is in the middle of an economic crisis. I am not economist enough to solve it, but I do know that unless all Americans are as productive as possible, we stand less of a chance.
When we do not create an environment that gives all people the opportunity to fulfill their potential, we are hindering both their future and our nation’s. This lost productivity starts in the classroom, when our children feel the weight of inequality, and may continue throughout life.
Helping America’s children is more than a matter of LGBT rights, of course.
We must reform our educational system at all levels to improve the curriculum, foster excellence in teaching, and much more. Our schools must be safe and inclusive for all students. All children must have access to affordable healthcare. They must look forward to a clean, sustainable environment.
LGBT rights must, however, be a part of this. We cannot create a productive culture of inclusion and acceptance and still exclude some from the rights of others.
Children learn injustice early.
I do believe you are the most LGBT-friendly president we have ever had, and that you mean it when you say you are committed to LGBT equality. You have not hesitated to appoint openly LGBT people to high-level posts.
Still, I think you have a few more things to learn.
Our relationships will not be equal if they are not called marriage. Inviting homophobic pastors to give the Inaugural invocation is not the way to show your commitment.
You seem a quick study, though, at least with respect to the latter. Asking Bishop Gene Robinson to offer a prayer at the first event of the Inauguration celebration was a smart move. I would have preferred to see Rick Warren removed from the ceremony, and to have Robinson give the invocation together with a dozen or so others of various faiths and beliefs, but I also recognize the political reality of deals made.
Next time, perhaps, you will not make such a mistake.
Should LGBT rights be the first priority for your administration? Not as such. Our economy and the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Middle East are much greater concerns.
At the same time, LGBT rights will further these goals by helping all Americans be as productive as possible. While it is a stretch to say they will lead directly to world peace, they will at least ensure that that any qualified and willing citizen can serve in our armed forces. A strengthened military is more likely to resolve current conflicts and act as a deterrent to further war.
You have already indicated you support most of the major rights the LGBT community wants. What I hope you realize is how all of these rights tie together, and how they impact our country as a whole.
Take the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” This must go hand in hand with the recognition of LGBT servicemembers’ partners for medical benefits, pensions, and all other spousal benefits, or you will be allowing LGBT citizens to serve with one hand tied behind their backs.
I know a lesbian military officer and mother, for example, who must bear the burden not only of multiple deployments to Iraq, but also of knowing that her spouse and children will not be taken care of by all of the excellent support services offered to other military spouses.
With that on her mind, will she be as focused as she needs to be while on the job protecting our country?
LGBT rights should therefore not be doled out piecemeal, nor back-burnered in order to solve more pressing problems. They are part of the solution for our country’s overarching issues. They are part of what we need to boost our economy, strengthen our armed forces, and raise the next generation of Americans who will work together for peace, prosperity, and progress.
I will be watching your Inauguration next week with my five-year-old son. I want to tell him you are bringing hope to our country. Please do not disappoint us.
Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian, a blog and resource directory for LGBT parents.
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